Yup, you read that title correctly. I wrote a Christmas song about how jolly old St. Nick has left us after a long fight with the rich capitalists, angry that his "socialist" gift giving policy has cut into their annual Christmas gouging, leaving his dear wife to fend for herself and peddle her wears on the cold, dark, and unforgiving streets of my hometown, Gary, Indiana.
This aint your parents Santa Claus, unless your parents were Mario Van Peeples and/or Iceberg Slim, which seems like it would be pretty cool.
Santa Claus loved
all children
Whether you were
poor or rich
And so his elves
made toys for girls and boys
And sewed every
doll stitch by stitch
Santa Claus loved
all children
Whether you were
Black or White
And so he jumped
on his sleigh and was on his way
To deliver those
toys all night
But Santa Claus
was bad for business
He didn't make
the children pay
So, the
capitalists said giving away free toys
Was a threat to
the American way
So the rich
called Santa Claus a socialist
And labeled him
an enemy of state.
All their TV
stations started running him down
And they called
him a purveyor of hate.
That's why
Santa Claus died
a long time ago
And Mrs. Claus is
turning those tricks
On the streets of
G.I.
Trying to make
that money
For Rudolph The
Red Nosed Pimp
Santa Claus died
a long time ago
And Mrs. Claus is
turning those tricks
On the streets of
G.I.
Trying to make
that money
For Rudolph The
Red Nosed Pimp
Santa Claus loved
all children
Whether they were
Muslim or Jew
All the
Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, Agnostics,
And even all the
atheists too.
Santa Claus loved
all children
Whether they were
gay or straight
So old Fred
Phelps and his family clan
Told him hell was
his ultimate fate.
So the rich
labeled Santa Claus a pedophile
Got him banned
from the USA
On their radio
stations they're running him down
All because he
just would not play
So Santa Claus
called up the president
And tried to get
the story straight
And old Obama
from Goldman Sachs
Told him he was
gonna have to pay
That's why
Santa Claus died
a long time ago
And Mrs. Claus is
turning those tricks
On the streets of
G.I.
Trying to make
that money
For Rudolph The
Red Nosed Pimp
Santa Claus died
a long time ago
And Mrs. Claus is
turning those tricks
On the streets of
G.I.
Trying to make
that money
For Rudolph The
Red Nosed Pimp
Santa Claus loved
all children
So he decided it
was time to fight back
So he went on his
blog to defend himself
From the
mainstream media attacks
Santa Claus loved
all children
So he exposed
with the companies do
Poison water and
air
Spread smoke
everywhere
While the
government conceals the truth
So the rich
called Santa Claus a terrorist
And put a bounty
on his head
All their troops
marched upward to the North Pole
To drag him out
alive or dead
But Santa Claus
hid in his bunker
And now he was
trapped inside
Put the gun in
his mouth
As the troops
stormed in
And told his
loving wife good bye
That's how
Santa Claus died
a long time ago
And Mrs. Claus is
turning those tricks
On the streets of
G.I.
Trying to make
that money
For Rudolph The
Red Nosed Pimp